super sneaky hubby

So for Christmas Eve Eve we went to our little Barros Pizza shop and my lovely little two year old blurts out to the entire room "I NOT FART!" I almost choked on the pizza in my mouth from laughing so hard. I ask Tim what that was all about and he said he had scooted in the lovely vinyl seating and it made a rather raunchy sound. GOTTA love those little munchkins.

When we got home Kiora comes running in the office to tell me that my bathroom smells like it's on fire. I run in there and look everywhere but can't find where the smell is coming from. Later I told Tim that it smelt like smoke in our bathroom but I couldn't figure out why and he confessed that it was from him and that he had burned the receipts to my Christmas presents in there. I'm guessing he spent more than his $50 limit. What a goof ball. I guess that's the marine in him got to destroy all evidence.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

*picture credits www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/fart.jpg

so long. . . long

SO LONG LONG HAIR
So a few weeks ago I did locks of love at Dolce Salon and Spa, but I just haven't updated my blog in forever. I took two weeks off of work for our trip to Disneyland that I had planned at the beginning of the year, but I'm home updating my blog it obvious that trip didn't turn out. My sweetheart Kiora keeps telling me she doesn't want to go to Disneyland that it would be too cold, so it makes me feel so much better that my children aren't to heart broken about it.

Honestly taking two weeks off of work has been a vacation in itself. I actually had time to do the little things that make this time of year so fun. I baked my bootie off, and we did the condensed version of the twelve day of Christmas for a family in our ward. We labeled and wrapped up gifts for each day and then put them all in a box and dropped them off on their door step, saving us the daily trips. It was pretty humorous because I was the runner well more like the hobbler, and that was the first day in three weeks I was able to wear tennis shoes since the accident I'll get to that later.

It wasn't the fastest, nor prettiest getaway but I did manage to get away, and in one piece a Christmas miracle for a spaz like me. The girls thought it was so funny and cool that they wanted to be little criminals too, so they dropped off our cookie treats on the doorsteps, rang the doorbells and booked it back to the car before being spotted. They thought they were being so sneaking but each little treat containers had a Christmas card we had signed. If you have tried done ding dong ditch, or ring and run I highly recommend it, so fun.

Kamryn was a Christmas angel and dropped off a gift in the toy box--so proud of her, my other girls would have cried wanting the toy for themselves when they were younger, um and even now. We went to the ward party were I got my baby fix from Jen's baby girl, and we had a family gift exchange party and Dani made me cry when she gave me a flute, which I had lost mine in the move, oh and I got my baby fix from Lindy's baby. This morning I went to the girls school and help Kiora's class make ginger bead houses, and we will be going to the mountains to go snowboarding--not quit Disneyland but I think I will survive.

7 More DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

Pampered My Little Butt Off.

Over the weekend I went to the Woman's Expo and had the most amazing time being pampered from head to toe. I almost didn't go because I would have to drive down town Phoenix--Either I have the most amazing husband who chauffeurs me everywhere like a princess or he drives me everywhere because he's genuinely concerned for my well being and lacks confidence in my driving skills either way I had never driven down town Phoenix and the thought of bone crushing, metal twisting, fire engulfing car cashes paralysis and stresses the heck out of me.

I blame my psycho driver ed teacher who made us watch gruesome videos of car crashes with brains spilled out all over the highway and then said to a class of about ten of us that statistically two of us will die in a car accident before our 10 year Reunion, so I don't like driving.

I'm not much of a city girl but I was so freaking proud of myself for driving all by lonesome and I think I could get used to this. I definitely did better than me brother who nearly killed Tim and I on our way to a Linking Park concert when he ran a red light, driving the wrong way down a one street--best part was it was right in front a police station and he got away with a warning.

So when I enter I was asked if I was 21 and I guess I wasn't that convincing because I was carded--umm I'm pushing 30 but ok.

I had a facial, manicure, massage, a makeover, won a few raffles, and met Valerie Bertinelli.

The only part that I didn't like was the life size nude pictures of before and after pictures of breast implant and tummy tuck patients. I was so tempted to grab a black sharpie and color in some con censored boxes while no one was looking--I don't even look at my own body that naked.

What a great time.

I LOVE MY JOB

Yes, I am well aware of my stacks of degrees I have collected and that my current job pays more that half as much as I was making at the Mayo Clinic, and I don’t get free education like I did working for the University, and I’m no longer a size zero with bulging biceps like when I was a personal trainer, and even if I had forgotten all these wonderful facts, I have all you lovely people reminding me so thanks, and I know you all think I’m crazy some of you love me enough to say it to my face, but despite all your concerns about me and my career decision, I LOVE MY JOB.

I can work in sweatpants, I don’t have to do my hair or wear makeup, I don’t have to worry about jerks hitting on me, well other than crazy guys hitting on over the phone but that doesn’t bother me, because I don’t have to see their pompous faces, or have them invade my bubble. I don’t have to drive hours on crowded freeways. I don’t have to put in long hard exhausting hours. We have weekly contests and bonuses, which being extremely competitive I love, I have a 401 k, and a pension plan, I have so much time off and my schedule is very flexible, I get crazy deals on everything, and get a lot of free stuff with the points I earn from being top performer, I get monthly bonuses, and I am over appreciated, the list goes on and on, and the best part is I work with some of the most amazing people for one of the best companies in the world. So long scrubs, and sweaty gyms, hello home office and being able to be a stay at home mom, which being a mom is hands down the best career of them all.

11 marvelous years of pure bliss

us at the fair where we first met. * not the greatest picture but not bad for our little 6 yr old photographer.

Saturday Oct 10 was the 11 year anniversary from the day my husband and I first met and the crazy goofball fell madly in love with me, j/k. I’m not going to put you to sleep with the mushy gushy stuff, but I just would like to say how truly blessed and lucky I am to have such an amazing husband and best friend. I’m honestly living in a fairy tale love story. I can’t believe it’s been 11 years. We met at the graham county fair and we have made it our yearly tradition to go to the fair every year and sort of reminisce in our early years, and honestly the older I get the harder it is to go on these crazy rides. Being an adrenaline junkie it makes me very sad that I now get sick on rides, I guess I’m officially an old fart, dang it.

I feel my husband and I are one of the few survivors of that happily ever after breed, and would love to go around converting the non believers. I wish everyone could be euphorically happy in love. It flatters me when people comment on what an amazing relationship I have with my husband, or say I inspire them, or write a report on us—love ya Ash, or they tell me they want what I have and ask me for advice—honestly everyone could have what we have. We aren’t superhero’s or from another planet or any of that—we are just a normal couple, well a ridiculously good-looking couple I might add ***(Humor is a must if you want to be blissfully happy) and if you want an amazing marriage you can have it.

On a side note: I don’t mind all the very personal questions or hearing every intimate detail about various relationships problems even if you are a complete stranger, and I’m happy to help in anyway I think it might just be easier to just address some of these questions in a blog, I know if you have ever tried to get a hold of me you know what a nightmare it is I’m truly sorry and I think we both know I would be lying if I told you my hectic lifestyle will calm down some day, so hopefully I will make it up to all of you who are still waiting for me to get back to you—I really love you, I promise—I just can’t be reached by phone and email is of the devil I hate email!!!! But I do blog and I’ve become addicted to facebook, so I’m getting better.

Ok now that we know that I hate email and that I have a really ridiculously good-looking husband lets move on.

I had just an amazing time over the weekend and over the past 11 years.—AND we lived happily ever after the end.

See I told you I wouldn’t bore you with the mushy stuff but if you are dying to know you can go to. . . .coming soon.

I survived

I survived a month of beauty ugh. OK I really didn’t do much it’s a lot more work than I thought it would be, but I will have to give myself two thumbs up for being such a good sport. The results? Drum roll please….I got several compliments, my favorite was “Sharla you are gloriously glowing”, and my husband said he liked my toenails umm OK honey I will have to work harder for you, and then there was one awkward moment when my father n law was yelling at me to hang up the phone and when I started to speak he realized it was me and not his 15 year old daughter, so woo hooo I got mistaken for a teenager who happens to be gorgeous—love ya Danni. I of course didn’t mind him giving me orders and teased him about bossing me around, but it really embarrassed the heck out of the poor guy, and my niece thought it was pretty hilarious. As far as my little black dress we will see this weekend when I take my husband out for our 11 year anniversary . . . OK it’s not our real anniversary but we still celebrate the day we first met.

OK I seriously doubt I would ever wear anything like that out in public, so I will have to find a way to squeeze in a candle lit dinner with work and three kids and mountains of house work. Heck anything is possible now. Oh and hopefully I will find time to cut my hair before this weekend.

As far as me becoming a gorgeous woman, we’ll see. I honestly didn’t mind the candle lit bubble bathes, massages, and pedicures and manicures, but as far as all the other crazy things you lovely ladies do to always look perky and flawless I will have to pass—for now, but I haven’t given up on that dream of stopping traffic and rendering my husband speechless—It’s just have to wait.

Here is my bathtub of beauty. I may not look like a woman but I sure do know how to shop like one. Geese with all this crap you would think I would be silky smooth and flawless, but problem is I try it once and put it under my sink and there it will stay until it meets it's fateful death in the trash never used again.

Doritos Diving

What I’ve learned after many, many years studying psychology, sociology, and all the other ologies about human behavior and such, trying to decipher, and decode human logic is to stop trying to understand human logic—we have none.

Now I’ll admit I completely adore quirky and bizarre people, that’s why I used to work in a psych ward at the hospital, but after being attacked by a naked crazy guy while I was 6 months pregnant I decided it was a little to dangerous and transferred the next day, but that’s another story. Oh on a side note why do crazy people always take off all their clothes? I’m not complaining just asking. Hmm I wonder if I have my own super nude suit.

Ok so let me set the scene—here I am walking through the Bashas in my home town picking up food for our camping trip and here I see this guy I went to high school with and like the great Houdini, “Now you see him, Now you don’t,” and this crazy goofball practically dove into the bags of chips to try to hide from me. Hello genius if I didn’t see you before, I definitely see you now. It still makes me laugh, and I still have no idea what could have possessed this guy to do such an amazing stunt—He must have had a severe craving for Doritos. I’m still stumped on this one, and the only explanation I can come up with is he did that just for my sheer enjoyment.

Gotta love cheap entertainment. Thanks, **** you are now my favorite dip.

A Trip to Pima—The Closest Thing To Being A Celebrity

We packed our bags, Kidos and Pooch and headed out to Pima over Labor Day Weekend. I had to work Thursday, but I was able to work and early shift so I was off at 6 p.m., but Tim forgot to dry his clothes so we had to wait until about 7pm and I of course had to hit up Sonic before we left and we got caught in this crazy dust storm in Maricopa, kinda like in the movie “The Scorpion King”—isn’t the Rock smoking hot? AWE……

ok moving on, we finally inch our way out of Maricopa only to get pummeled by a rainstorm so our lovely 3 ½ hour trip took just under 6 hours so we pulled in after midnight and just crashed. Luckily for Tim he had to wake up at 5 a.m. to go to work with his dad, so I decided to go help my dad pack and move some things, so our labor day was full of just that.

I work for a few hours until I started to become offensive, so I took a very long, long, long, shower and went shopping. I got really carried away but my dad decided to pay me for helping him so I ended up blowing $100 or so but technically it wasn’t my money.

OK I know I have a serious problem if only there was like a program for shopaholics in denial, oh wait I think they made a movie about me. So I of course had a fantastic time, and when I got home Tim was an adorable grease monkey, and then he turned to me and said the most beautiful words that could ever leave this gorgeous mans lips, “I need to go shopping.” I of course did my little happy dance and we went to Walmart were I bumped into Denise and her brothers, and she told me she was moving to the Virgin Islands—Denise I’m totally jealous, but I still love you. The rest of the night gets fuzzy, so it must have been so fantastic I don’t even remember.

Saturday we ate at La Casitas, it’s our tradition, and then my family had this huge party to celebrate me coming to visit and invited all my aunts and uncles and cousin and their kids, and there was food, and games and chocolate.

I love going to Pima not only does it have breath taking views, fresh air, free babysitters, loads and loads of wonderful memories, but it’s also the closest I get to feeling like a celebrity. People have parties for you, give you gifts, go wild and crazy with hugs and affection just because you walk into the room---I once even got a butt grab yeah I know. Lavern and Shirley, in Pima every body really does know your name.

Ok maybe I just have an overactive imagination, and I’m sure my family wanted to coordinate a get together for other reasons then just me coming to visit, although what other reasons do you need. So the party was awesome I even got to have the last piece of chocolate cake.

Sunday we did the church thing and I got to visit with some really amazing old friends and see new babies and even got hit on by the adorable neighbor boy, makes me laugh I’m probably old enough to be his mother.

Moday came and went, we went to the movies and packed our car and we almost didn’t have room for the kids, because of my shopping spree and all the gifts we were showered with—I could have survived leaving the dog. It felt like Christmas.

We stopped in Gilbert to visit with my prego sister-n-law, she bribed me over the phone with brownies—girl knows my weakness, and when we got there she had boxes of clothes for the girls and we honestly didn’t have any room so Kiora said she would hold them on her lap.

We stopped at “In and Out Burger” and when we got home we unloaded the car and I crashed onto the coach and Tim put the girls to bed, and surprised me with a candle lit bubble bath. AH I was exhausted. I think I need a vacation from my vacation.

Thanks to Everyone for all our many many gifts and for keeping our bellies full of delicious food. And here’s a shout out to my little old town of Pima—I love you man





photo credit by By drexqueen08

Divorce Disaster

OK so I have this rare gift that allows me to have complete strangers open up to me and tell me their entire life stories sparing no intimate details, it's very very strange but at the same time it's kinda nice to know that I come off as a trustworthy, sympathetic listener who really cares about your drama. I'm only teasing I really do care about people to much some times and I get yelled at at work all the time because of this, It's not my fault.

So here is a replay of one of those moments but I didn't realize what was happening until today.



Hubbies friend whom I don't know: "Hey how is your husband, I didn't see him is he here?"



Totally Oblivious Me: "yeah he's over there with the ladies--aka my three girls plus our adopted neighbor girl



Hubbies Friend: I'm here with my kids. . .it's really hard to watch them all without my wife.



Me: small talk about the kids.......... and then I made the stupid comment about how moms have to handles kids all day alone bla bla and then I asked if he wanted a medal (OK I'm not sure of my exact words but it was something like that, maybe it wasn't that harsh but it feels like it was)



Hubbies Friend: Must have gotten something in his eye......Awkward so I smile and leave.



So the details are a little fuzzy but I just found out the poor guys getting a divorce and that was one of those moments where he was trying to pour out his heart and soul to me, hoping for sympathy, but I totally missed it. I thought his wife was just gone for the day and I didn't think that he was that impressive because Tim takes care of the kids all the time, he could have been a little more specific and I guess he really didn't get something in his eye, pour guy was probably holding back the tears because I'm such a jerk. I feel really bad, I just don't ever think people get divorce--Tim says I live in my own little fantasy world.

Now that I found out he's getting divorced everything makes total sense, because I saw him about two months prior and he was so sad and literally was sucking the life out of everything like a black hole--another thing that comes with the gift I guess, is that I can sense other peoples emotions, I cry when they cry, I hurt when they do, etc. When I asked Tim if his friend was OK he said he was fine and then I said he seems like he's having marital problems.

Of course when I told Tim the news the other day he lovingly seized the opportunity to tease me and said that I called it and said that I have another gift of breaking marriages apart--not nice and below the belt punk.

He said it kinda makes sense because every time he sees the guy his arms get a little bigger each time like he's trying to look good for the ladies--ha ha the difference between men and women perception-- I worried about how he feels and all Tim notices is that he's working out.

I guess I've learned my lesson, but A few weeks ago we went to my Grandma's house to check on her and Kiora went off on her billion questions asking her if she was ever married and where her husband was and asked her if she's lonely..... I was mortified and it became bedtime very quickly. I explained to her on the drive home that she had gotten a divorce and it kinda makes her sad when people ask her about it and say she must be lonely. UGGH and from that day she has been freaking out about divorce. It terrifies her and she keeps asking us if we'll ever get divorced and she can't stop worrying--poor child.

What happened to the good old days when kids only had to worry about getting caught playing all night or not brushing their teeth.

My heart goes out to all those heartbroken divorcees and the poor little children who's world is forever turned upside down.

A Hint From a Horoscope

So today's tip comes from Cosmo--I don't normally read that magazine, maybe it was redbook, I can't remember but a few weeks a got this phone call from someone doing a fund raiser for the special Olympics and I told her I would like to make a cash donation and the lady insisted on sending me a magazine, and that's the one she picked. I guess they want you to get the magazine so you will forget to cancel the subscription and they can keep charging you over and over. I know how marketing works.

So I was flipping through and came across my Horoscope and it made me laugh OK cry a little too, so I thought I would share it. It said this month I should focus on my outward appearance. What a horrible horoscope, see look even the begin of the word is basically horrible. OK OK I can take a hint.

First Kiora told me not to wear my hair in a bun, then Kylee said I have a beautiful voice, but my face ruins it--awe the refreshing honesty of children. And then last night I showed a picture to Tim of me holding Kiora when she was a baby and I said "look how cute" and of course he replied "yeah you were, what happened. HA HA. I'm just glad Kamryn has a very limited vocabulary.

So I've decided, yes me, the girl who has in the past 27 years never had a facial, waxed my eyebrows or legs, or had any beauty treatment in fact ever--well except once I had a manicure and it was like torture, anyways I'm am going to devote 1 month to completely transforming my outward appearance from head to toe and became a lady even if it kills me.

I think if I can manage med school while working full time, having a baby at home, and one in the oven, and maintaining sanity and a social life and husband and home I can handle a couple of waxes here and there. I of course am not going to tell my darling hubby and hopefully I will be able to surprise the sport by becoming a smoking hot momma--he defiantly deserves a gorgeous supermodel hot trophy wife wrap around his arm. Now I know this is going to be going completely against everything I believe in and stand for, but it's only for a month and last time I check being pretty never killed anyone, well maybe it has, but I'm a survivor.

A darling quote for inspiration: "I hope people realize that there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs."-Dolly Parton

I have devoted an entire blog just for this purpose and I will be posting hilarious before and hopefully some amazing after pictures and everything I find about beauty. I guess all those years of med school just to become a stay at home mommy wasn't an entire waste, because I rock at research. click on the word blog or here is the complete url http://makeovermommies.blogspot.com/ to see my head to toe makeover--um maybe a month isn't enough time.

If you're beautiful and you would like to help me on this worthy goal feel free to leave me your tips and tricks in the comment area. Thanks

Updates for August

Awe August. We had such a blast this month. Here are the highlights: The girls went back to school yeah, we went to a pool party, had a couple of bbqs, a camping trip I set up my preschool room, went to a couple of back to school parties, ikea shopping, game nights, and movie nights, couple of trips to the zoo, Kamryn turned two, and then ended it all with a game of mud football. I'm so sad summer is ending but can't wait for the holidays and cooler weather. So long summer.

All in A Days Work

My aunt sent me this adorable video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6ujADXp0dM and I had Tim watched it with me. With skepticism he said he doubts if moms really do that much in a day, and so this is for you babe:

• 6:25 A.M. Help hubby find keys and Wallet


• Got girls ready for school


• Packed lunch


• Found Kylee’s shoes and backpack


• Got juice and snacks for Kamryn


• Walked girls to bus stop gave kisses and hugs


• Walked back home carrying Kamryn—stroller next time


• Weeded the front yard Kam tried to help—kissed a booboo and put on bandage


• Took out trash


• Load of laundry


• Ate Brownie for Breakfast
• Talked to Hubby on phone
  
• Took Kams to the bathroom, wiped her, washed her potty, new panties, washed our hands
  
• 8:00 cleaned front room


• Talk to a lawyer well a not so intelligent assistant complete waste of time
  
• 8:30 played with playdo


• Dishes how could it possible take 30 minutes to do if I have a dishwasher?


• Kinda took a shower when Kamryn sprayed me down while helping with the dishes


• Danced around a bit
  
• Took Kams to the bathroom again


• Got baby apple Jack and I ate a burrito I made last night that no one ate mmmm Brownie, and Burrito for Breakfast


• cleaned toilets with Lysol It kinda smells like Pepto, minty fresh
  
• Switched laundry
  
• Took out some of the trash Tim missed—I have little trash cans throughout the house, like it helps.


• Did another load of laundry mostly towels from the Swim party on Saturday
  
• Cleaned out the lint in the dryer—awe Tim aren’t you proud
  
• Washed hands for the 7th time


• 9:30 got Kam dressed second outfit of the day
  
• Sang Kings of Leon at the top of my lungs just for the neighbors


• Potty break for Kams pulled down her pullup and a surprised plopped out onto the floor washed, no scrubbed the floor—GROSS this is like natural birth control for all you reading this without kids, at least the bathroom smells like pepto. I should have known she always waits a few seconds after I put on new panties. Wiped her and washed our hands again and got her dressed again


• Got her some juice—she’s super Grumpy today
  
• 9:30 cleaned front room picked up 6 pairs of shoes and 5 singles maybe I’m housing centipedes
  
• Caught Kams with chocolate put down the pile of shoes
  
• Held her to console her broken heart—REFRIDGERATOR RAIDOR


• Put clothes on her again—Nudist
  
  



• Gave her a ride on the girls bikes—yes bikes in the house
  
• Played drums with Kam in the garage


• Found her band aid stuck to the wall
  
  



• put a third band aid on her
  
• Found another shoe in the cushion of the couch?


• Had a drink-- : ) it was water


• Fixed Kams balloon animal we got from Ikea---LOVE IKEA


• Vacuumed living room while holding Kams while she was holding 2 puppies and a bunny—so disappointed in the parents who removed the two extra arms off of daughter, don’t they know it’s evolution


• 10:00 Finished that room it took a little longer than usually but that’s because Kam’s usually sleeping


• Potty break again—freaked out when I saw brown all over her leg—whew it tastes like chocolate only teasing I didn’t taste it. I had forgotten about her chocolate raid earlier.


• Washed hands and hosed Kam down in the Kitchen sink
  
• Put on band aid 4 decided to wrap it—with all the hand washing and bandages it reminds me of working at the Mayo clinic.


• I think I’ll let her run around in just her undies for a little while


• Push Kams stuffed animals around in the stroller
  
• 10:15 another load of laundry found a dollar yeah me
  
• Got a snack for the baby


• 10:30 the kitchen UGH I should let Tim clean it but he did give me a candle lit massage last night dang it so I’ll be nice


• Emptied dishwasher soaked pots and pans
  
  
• Shared a burrito with Kams—told you I had lots of left overs


• Dance around


• Took her to the bathroom. The little turd took her band aid off again


• 12:00 finished the Kitchen normally it doesn’t take that long but I had to mop
  
• Potty break


• Rocked Kam while watching Baby Einstein hoping she’s take a nap


• 1:00 I guess she’s not going to sleep, made peanut butter and honey sandwiches of course she opened hers and stuck it to the floor—yes dear peanut butter sticks congratulations
  
• Exhausted serves me right having brownies for breakfast
  
• Took Kam to the bathroom—to late washed hands again
  
• Ate a grapefruit which tastes nothing like grapes or fruit that woke me up
• Finished cleaning the living room
  
• Let fatty in so he could lick up any of Kams messes and entertain her


• Got Kam dressed lost count of her wardrobe changes put bandage on her again and wrapped it.


• Locked dog in bathroom, stupid dork still isn’t house broken well I guess Technically neither is Kamryn


• Vacuumed Kam finally fell asleep


• Laundry
  
• Took out recycling
  
• 2:00 babies asleep should I shower—na I still have to go pick up the girls in the hot sun
  
• Called mortgage company about loan modification put on hold
  
• Still on hold checking email only 12, 323 more to go—Hate EMAIL
  
• Charging cell phone to text Sabrina not able to attend Jordans party
  
• Bad news again—BROWNIES will fix it
  
• 2:40 washed face and got all pretty
  
• Watered plants and research—Research ROCKS


• Picked girls up
  
• Potty break again but this time bathroom smells like a stinky dog yuck
  
• Homework
  
• Boiled eggs for snacks


• Worked for 4-8
  
• 8:00 Ate lasagna
  
• Family home evening
  
• Put kids to bed
  
• Showered RINSE AND REPEAT TOMMORROW
  
  I love being a mom and wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.
  
  Have you hug a mom lately.

Mortgage Madness

Ok why is it, when it rains it pours. Tim’s hours have now been cut to part time so our income has been cut more than in half and coincidently our mortgage decides to jump up $500 a month. I was able to negotiate with the escrow department to spread out our payments to the max so instead of having to pay $1900 a month it’s down to $1700 yeah, but it’s still $300 more than when Tim was working full Tim and had his bonuses and extra income on the side. I’m going to contest our property taxes but after that I’m all out of ideas. And I was a little upset with our $600 electric bill and when I called to ask why it double the lady just replied it was hotter this month. I guess it’s a packing we will go. I guess life was getting a little to easy. It reminds me of my English professor who gave me my first D in my life and when I ask what was wrong with my paper he said nothing, but he knew it wasn’t my best and he wasn’t going to let me coast through his class, and he knew I was this amazing writer and he had all these wonderful hopes and visions for my future—um clearly he didn’t read my transcripts, because I was a Med Student not an English major, but I do have to secretly admit I have notebooks full of books I’ve written and I’m a passionate writer, it’s my therapy, any time I’m stressed I write and I love it. Dang it old people and their wisdom. I’m still praying for a miracle. It was so adorable our little neighbor girl said she had a dollar she could give me so we wouldn’t have to move because Kiora and Kylee are like her BFFs. I guess I have to reluctantly turn the next chapter in my life, but ecstatic, the big guy has so much faith in me to give me such a handful of challenges. I guess being a personal trainer I can see it in a good way,
without resistance, there’s no rippling pectorals. grrrrrr --"He'll be back" hopefully with some pants


***Picture credits* google images armchairspasm.wordpress.com/2008/07/ and www.moonbattery.com/archives/2007/09/

Most Amazing Husband!!!

Tim by the ASU building he designed

I just have to give a shout out to my adorably sexy and perfect husband who amazes me more and more each day. The other night Tim kept coming in my office telling me to hurry and log off of work and come eat dinner in an almost giddy fashion. I remember thinking geese what's the hurry it's just food, but when I walked into the kitchen I saw what all the fuss was about. He had flowers on the table, Frank Sinatra playing, the girls watching a movie in their bedroom, candles lit and my favorite crystal glasses from Italy out and he sweetly pulled out my chair and fed me the dinner he made on our china. He smiled and said he just wanted me to feel rich no matter what happens. We danced and had a great night, and we went swimming around 10. It makes me smile because I could care less about our money situation—I could honestly be happy living out of my car on a beach somewhere, but he’s trying so hard to make me feel pampered and taken care of regardless of our circumstances. He’s been so amazing, it was so adorable when his hours we cut again to part time he broke the news to me like this “I have some really great news, you know how you like to spend all your time with me, well you’re going to see me around a lot more because my hours have been cut again—yeah. I know he’s so stressed out about everything, but yet he still takes time to enjoy the simple things and make my life so perfect. I LOVE YOU BABE.

Shelf Reliance and a chance to win the Providence Essential 72-Hour Kit.

Shelf Reliance is giving you a chance to win the Providence Essential 72-Hour Kit. Thanks Margo for posting on your blog and good luck to everyone. Go to http://www.shelfreliance.com/blog/index.php/2009/07/20/free-friday-providence-essential-person-72hour-kit/comment-page-2/#comment-4862

to enter. Good Luck

Hooters Ho Down

We were driving by the Harley shop the other day and down the street is a Hooters--Harley's and Hooters what more could a guy want--anyways it totally reminded me of this total random experience I had with a Hooters girl. (sounds good huh).

A few years ago we were shopping and there was a tent sale in the parking lot of the mall, and to draw attention there was a dunk tank fill with hooters girls, music, and free food. Apparently their marketing worked because we went over to the tents to see what was happening. I was mainly there for the free food yeah, Tim ummm. . . only teasing.

Anyways the guys kept bugging Tim to try to dunk the Hooters girls, and reluctantly he agreed. He was given three pitches, and the poor guy must have been distracted and he missed all three times, I can't imagine what could have been so distracting hmmm. The guys then turn to me and look at this scrawny little 105lbs, while soaking wet wearing a parka, little girl and kind of smile knowing there would be no way I could pitch a hit of death.

They put there arms around me like a little child and softly explain how to throw a ball and walked me up a little closers because they doubted I could throw that far. . . Now normally I would never try to get a gorgeous girl wearing short shorts and a white tee shirt soaking wet in front of children, but after being being treated like a poor, helpless child, oh and being bribed with the chance to win some really great prizes I stepped up to the plate.

I was given five pitches--being so hopeless and all, and BAM first pitch there was a Hooters Ho Down. Now with shock and amazement the crowd goes wild with praise and applause--not for my amazing pitching skills I'm sure, but because here was this busty girl drenched from head to toe because of me--sorry lady.

Little did these jerks know they were looking at a small package of dynamite--can you tell I was a cheerleader, oh and I had forgotted to mention I played baseball since I was five and happen to play position of a pitcher. Lol looks definitely can be deceiving. The guy opens up his envelope of prizes and hands me $50.00 to eat at, any guess? HOOTERS. Totally Hilarious.

We took the Harley to Hooters the following week, and my in laws were furious at me explaining I was a bad wife, and I don't know if you have ever been to Hooters, but it was impossible to spend $50.00 in one night on just food, even with how much I eat, so we bought a few souvenirs, a shirt for Tim, and of course the infamous short shorts for me. Eight years later I'm pleased to announce I must not be as terrible as a wife as thought because Tim still keeps me around.

Good Times.

* picture credit from Google images.

Arachnophobia is an understatement

So a few weeks ago I saw this huge vicious spider in my laundry room. Of course I screamed like a little girl and booked my little bootie out of there and called Tim—I have him on speed dial for such emergencies. He told me to go kill the punk—men. So I quietly snuck into the laundry room, my best 007 yet, and there he was with his beasty little eyes glaring me down. I grab my laundry basket and started to pulverize the pest. I don’t know how I missed, maybe because I had my eyes tightly closed praying he wouldn’t attack me. So he cowardly hides under my washing machine. I locked the door and refused to go in there until I knew he’s dead, which was kind of nice because I was off of laundry duty for a couple of weeks.

So two days ago Tim proudly shows me his manliness and shows me this dead crusty spider he kept in a cup just for me, yeah. I guess he really wanted me to do some laundry. I was a little disgusted by him keeping it for me, but it was nice to have physical proof that this nightmare was over.

The next day the pest guys come on a Saturday and leave a little note they couldn’t finish the job because of the dog—um it’s Saturday of course we are going to be out and scheduling would be nice, not just showing up, and of course every time I call they say the soonest they could get to me is two weeks. Grrrrr. We need new people pronto.

So I go on my merry little way being a good house wife and as I reach on the side of my refrigerator to grab the dust pan I see my good old buddy waiting to sample some of my finger food. Furiously I run into my closet pull out my knee high black heeled boots, if I’m going to die today I’m going to look good doing so, and I stomp back into the kitchen. The girls are whistling at me asking me if I have a hot date and I tell them to eat their lunch on top of the table.

Tim must have sensed something was going on and he called me at that very moment and I ask him where the bug spray is and I began shooting him like crazy. He’s not dying and now charging towards me I should have just step on him but Tim wanted me to save him so he could find out what kind of spider it was. I’m freaking out and still squirting and screaming over the phone he’s not dying and I’m almost out of spay, and Tim starts yelling at me that the poison is super strong and I should have only squirted him once, and to open all the windows and leave the room immediately. Umm I guess I should have asked him before I started my royal rumble.

I get all the girls in the bath and take a shower open all the windows and leave the house, but then I had to go to work. I had Tim scrub the floors and I trashed all the food on the counters.
I didn’t even think about spraying poison in our kitchen I just wanted that sucker dead.

What an expensive extermination. Three loaves of bread, beagles, two boxes of cereal, two packages of sugar, cookies, a tub of peanut butter, and a bowl full of fruit, and I haven’t gotten to the pantry yet---one dead spider

*image credit Google images.

Wedding Ring Found

So Tim is cleaning (awe let's all take a moment to pause and truly take in the beauty of this momentous occasion a man cleaning) Wasn't that wonderful?


So he uses his big, ginormous, man muscles to move the stove and fridge so he can clean behind them oddly enough it does get dirty by some miraculous way behind large kitchen appliances that never move, and he finds my wedding ring.

Now I imagined the following: A quick flight to Hawaii, no kids, he gets down on one knee at sunset with the waves crashing in the background, and the warm sand squishing between my toes, and he tells me all the romantic sweat things and proposes to me, and while holding back the tears I kiss him and say yes and he picks me up and spins me around ......... OK reality he hands me my ring and says looks what I found.

Awe a girl can dream can't she. I'm glad to have my ring back even though it's my sixth wedding ring hopefully the last one for a while.

Not Yet A Woman

So I have a little secret---I used to lie about my age. I know all women lie about their age but usually they say they are younger not older. I used to tell people I was 5 years older because I had my first baby at 19--which is normal from where I come from, but I got so tired of people telling me that I was to young to have a baby--um apparently given the fact that here I am with a baby in my arms I'm not to young people.

My favorite was when people would say to me while I was pregnant "I know what you've been doing"--Well thanks captain obvious I had no idea. Don't you just love people like that.

Now that I'm 27 I have to confess another secret: I'm terrified of dieing so I guess in correlation to that I'm afraid of getting older, and I don't know if people can sense that fear and they are being overly sensitive, or if I act really immature, or that I don't quite have the curves of a woman or a combination of all of those but people always say that I look like I'm a teenager--I sure hope that still happens when I'm in my 30s and 40s

The only reason I bring this up is because last night I was asking my husband if I still look like a little girl because people keep telling me I look so young and he just started laughing, because earlier that morning when we were swimming at the pool a guy he knew asked him "where's your wife", and Tim pointed over to me and the guy said, "Oh I thought that was one of your kids".

I guess I do have to admit I'm still pretty immature and every time I go swimming the moms usually just sit out of the pool tanning, so maybe that could be a little confusing seeing a total goofball at my age doing cannon balls into the pool.

I guess I'm still a little girl and I'm not quite a woman.

Busted By the Cops at age 5

"Bad Boys, Bad boys, what you going to do, what you going to do when they come for you." Ok now that you have the theme song to cops in your head lets begin. Oh wait why in the heck to criminals always strip down naked when they are running from the law? Seriously. . . Anyways I have this problem since the age of five of getting busted by the police for being such a criminal.

The first time I was five and my brothers convinced me that it was our neighbors birthday and I should go over to their house and decorated it with toilet paper to surprise them. Of course it's me we are talking about so I joyfully skipped all the way over there and began my beautiful artwork. I'm probably the only weirdo to actually go t-ping in the middle of the day. You can imagine how confused I was when I was being yelled at when the cops showed up--I'm sure my loving brothers probably made the phone call.

Another one of my favorites was when I was in college and we had 8 girls crammed in my car and when the officer asks the infamous "Do you know why I pulled you over"? it was like a confession and each one of my friends chimed in on what they believed to be the reason: She was speeding, not wearing a seat belt, to many people in the car, she didn't stop at the stop sign, and being completely mortified I spazed and said "it's a crime to look this good." Thank goodness he had somewhat of a sense of humor and then said I forgot to turn my blinker on. Umm oh yeah I knew that.

There really are way to many experiences to list after being pulled over last week I think I'm at 34 different cases. OK cuff me. Let me just say that cops are by far my most favorite people in the world. The guns, donuts, the sweet awesome uniforms and their little black flip open notebook--Tough guys.

Now before you go on being haters let me just explain I'm not a blond, I've never pulled out the water works, never bent over the seat to get my purse in the back seat or any of that--I just happen to be really, really, really lucky, and I have gotten a ticket--once. I ran a red light going 15 miles per hour and received and rather attractive picture of me saying "shoot" I swear it was not the other four letter word although it's hard to tell in the photo only to find out at traffic school I shouldn't have been there because there was a problem with the timing of lights and I was going under 20 miles per hour.

I'm not as bad as my little brother who nearly killed Tim and I when he ran a red light going the wrong way down a one way street in front of police station. The police woman--convenient, stated that if the other cars hadn't seen her flashing light they probably would have crashed into us and let him off with a warning, for stupidity I guess.

Plus my husband gets enough tickets for the both of us--he almost even got a ticket for going five over the speed limit when I was in labor--good thing I was in the car.

So here is a shout out to all the Cops--You ROCK!!! Donuts are on me...

*image credit--google images

A Raisin Lost in Cleevageville

In case you don't know me very well I'm somewhat of a dork and I'm constantly doing silly things to humiliate myself, Although my actions are painfully embarrassing I provide a healthy dose of laughter to all those around me.

The latest dose of medicine. We were swimming at the pool over the weekend and I had brought a box full of ice cream sandwiches for my girls and Rachael's, and I'm going to totally blame this one on the baby--after all that's one thing they are good for, anyways as I was holding her, and being the messy eater that she is, a little piece of chocolate had fallen on my chest. Now something like this never would have happened to me if I wasn't holding a baby. Clearly some of you don't believe me... OK I confess I some times get a little crazy with my food. OK there was this one time I had it in my hair, but I'm getting better I promise.

Tim and I have this little game we play where we have a little competition to see who spills food on themselves first, and the one who can last longer without getting messy wins. I know we have a lot of silly game, but you can't take life to seriously "life's hard and nobody makes it out alive", so have fun.

Back to my story, it's a good one. Here I am talking to this lady from my ward, when I guess this chunk of chocolate chillaxing in my cleavage, (ooh wow look at that alliteration--Big Head would be so proud I'll tell you later) was to much for her husband to bare and he interrupts with, "you have a raisin or something on your chest". Umm thanks I guess. I was so embarrassed. I'm sorry not everyone is blessed with the ability to eat food without decorating their body. It's beautiful artwork, an expression of myself,nobodies perfect.

Don't worry guy I've hired my good old sweet husband to be on cleavage patrol and he will regularly check and inspect for stow aways, and he even offered to provide me with his services free of charge--Awe how sweet.

Umm Eyes up top next time buddy, but thanks for your concern for the welfare of my lady lumps.

Our Fabulous Free Weekend

Still feeling a little discouraged about our financial situation I decided just let it all go and have a a little fun and forget about all my troubles, best part it was free--yeah my favorite.

Thursday: Free movies at the Drive In. I really wanted to take my girls out and have some fun so I was searching online to find something we could all do together and not spend a single penny, and it just happened to be customer appreciation day at the drive ins and they were showing free shows, they had bounce houses for the kids, a band, and my favorite Sumo Wrestling. I was dominating--ok I had my 7 year old as my competition. Just and I was about to knock her out again in round three I'm hit by a bus. Tim tackles me to the ground and everyone is going wild. Sure everyone always cheers for the underdog. We watched bed time stories a very cute movie. It felt great taking work off and having a blast with my family. Kylee's little head
A little help TKO!!!!
Friday: swimming. We meet Rachael and her three girls at the pool and we swam all day. It was a lot colder then the day before but that didn't stop the girls. Kamryn had such a wonderful time in the water. Then Rachael took Kiora and Kylee to stay the night at her house, their first official sleep over. Too bad Tim was at a wedding all day. He brought me home some cake and tossed rose pedals at me and all over the bed. He looked so adorable in his tux.

Saturday: Family Fun. The science center was free and we drove all the was over there but it was so busy we decided to skip it and head straight over to family reunion in Gilbert. That was a lot of fun and great food. Then we made it home just in time to catch the last few minutes of the salsa festival.

Wonderful FREE weekend. I feel so much better. So long bum hum bug.

Bummed about being broke.

So I'm some what of an extreme optimist. Let's just say I don't live in what people call reality. I'm usually happy, outgoing,energetic,passionate and excited about ever moment of life, but lately I have been feeling rather down, and a few days ago I was going through my daughters backpack and there was a card she had made me and It brought tears to my eyes, and even days later it still makes me feel a deep hole in my heart. The card said please take me to the book fair and then there was a little wish list of the books she wanted. I've never told anyone this but in December my husband's hours were cut in half and we had to max out all our credit cards, use every penny in our bank account just to keep up with our bills. The last month has been so hard and we have bounce a few of our bills and we literally didn't have any money in the bank and we used our entire 1000 overdraft. I know we are not the only ones going through this and we are very blessed with jobs, a house, and each other, but it broke my heart I wasn't able to take my little girl to book fair. Wow I don't know why I'm getting so emotional about this. It feels good to at least get that out, everyone keeps asking how we are doing and some times I just want to scream we are drowning, save us but of course we smile and say we are great. I know every thing will work out in the end and some how this experience will be a learning experience. I guess it hurts so bad because as a mother I want the very best for my children and of course she doesn't need any more books, but the whole point was having a wonderful bonding experience with my girls at the book fair, and help out their school at the same time. My husband teases me that there is a bum hug bug hiding out in our house--of course he's making fun of me because when he asked me why I was so sad I tried to say ba hum bug but I didn't even come close to that and he laughed at me so hard it made me start laughing and by the end we were both laughing and crying and being complete goofballs as usual. It's really hard to feel crummy when you are laughing so hard you almost wet yourself--go ahead try it. He has a billion little things he teases me about--I love it. I guess growing up with five brothers I was raised on being made fun of and being pick on, so again being the weirdo I am I love being teased. All I know is I never ever want to feel completely helpless and hopeless ever again. Oh I'm going to find that bum hug bug and obliterate him.

Giving Up--Love will always be a mistery

So like I mentioned earlier I've locked myself in the house, gain weight, and tried my best to become unattractive to the opposite sex in hopes that I won't go down in history as a home wrecker. I tried to get help from the guys that I know and they say it's not what I do it's who I am--great I have to become a completely new person.

So before I go changing my whole personality I've decided to wave my white flag and surrender. It's not fair for Tim to come home looking all hunky and here I am with bushy eyebrows, sweat pants, and messy hair. Not to mention I've been miserable not being able to work out afraid of losing the weight I put on. Tim also caught my acting silly when we were out last week at a pizza shop, and I was stuffing my face like a fat cow. There were a bunch of guys smiling and looking at me with that look, so I thought if I shoveled pizza in my mouth, getting sauce every where even in my hair, I would look completely repulsive. When I told Tim that when he brought up the fact that he had never seen me eat like that before in his life he almost died laughing.

He told me I can't hide myself away from the world and even when I tried it didn't work I still have this crazy stalker. He's right. No more. I'm going to be myself again.

And Ladies I just want you to understand, you are all gorgeous and beautiful in your own ways. Even if your boyfriend, husband, or girlfriend--thought I should be politically correct there, look at another woman it doesn't mean they love you any less. Would you like to only look at one beach, one flower, one sunset for the rest of your life? Beauty is every where and it's there for a reason. I hope woman can feel confident and know that they are loved, and sometimes the other woman really is an innocent, sweet little girl, oblivious and naive to the world.

Life's to short to try to run around all day trying to change things or fix things that can't be fixed. Men are biologically attracted to women sorry. In my perfect world there wouldn't be this intense competition and fight for love, there would be one special person for everyone, no affairs, or jealous fits of rage.

So if you have someone go run up to them and let them know that you love them, and women you are amazing! You too guys, I guess.

Can't we all just get a long--Home wreckers included?

I Don't Know You but I Think I Love You.

Do you believe in love at first sight? or should I walk by again. . . I love that joke. I don't know if I believe at love at first sight. I think attraction is very important in a relationship. I was always trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love--we were just friends, that by the time my heart finally overcame my head I had seen Tim a hundred times or more. Oh what the heck I'm a hopeless romantic I guess there could be love at first sight, but you should still get to know each other for goodness sakes......

A few of my early heart breaker moments and surely not my last.

Tony the Homeless man my brother-in-law adopted. I was 15 or 16 and I was spending my summer vacation watching my baby niece for my sister. I always did love babies. Here was this creepy guy living on my sister's couch who somehow with in two weeks was convinced he was madly in love with me and wanted to marry me. He thought I was the most beautiful and intellectually stimulating young girl he had ever met. He even quit his job so he could spend all day with me. He started to get really creepy. I would have to lock myself in the bedroom until Bill came home. He kept touching me. I told the poor guy that he made me sick and that I didn't like him at all, and that I had a boyfriend--which some how the week before this guy named Andy I was chatting with online thought we were an item so technically it wasn't a lie. The poor guy didn't even get my brutal honesty and brought me pepto bismal thinking that would help with the sickness. Finally enough was enough and I called my sister to let her know that there was a homeless guy living in her house, and my dad had called and Tony had answered the phone and said that I couldn't come to the phone so he was on his way to pick me up that day and have my brother watch my niece instead. Bill got a severe verbal beat down, and every time I look at pepto I think of this stupid guy who didn't understand what it meant to be repulsive.

Chatting Chaos My problems weren't over remember I told you about Andy the guy I was chatting with so I wouldn't have to talk to Tony? Well after about a month of chatting he mailed me a ring, was going to change his religion for me, and flew down to meet me. I of course had gotten myself in another bind and had to break yet another heart. I told him you can't fall in love with someone you have never physically met--apparently I was wrong just look at all of the online dating services now, and I just found out a few months again that my brother met his wife online.

Awe office love.. So I get another job and start working with this guy I will call him Zack--I always like that name and used to think the guy off of save by the bell named Zack was a hottie. So Zack only worked with me a few time but again quickly this guy thought he was in love. I even re-arranged my schedule so I wouldn't have to work with him and he knew I was dating Tim--I think they were even on the basketball team together, and he would call me when he knew Tim was gone and ask me out. He started talking about marriage--very creepy. Finally my sister-n-law yelled at him to leave me a lone that I was in love with Tim and that we were going to get married. Hmmm I hadn't thought of marriage--I had my dream become a model, travel the world, become a Doctor and then after that get married around 28. I'm not even 28 yet. It's funny how what you think you want isn't really what you what after all. I have about a dozen more stories about the office romance. Maybe I have and over production of pheromones because honestly there are way more gorgeous women out there guys, single ones too.

Loan Advisor Lost. We were trying to buy our first house so I open up a phone book and call the first loan company I found. Diego pick up the phone and we started down the path of home ownership and more than a home warming gift. Again I talked to Diego several times on the phone, through emails, he stopped by the house , we went out to lunch, and I was thinking this was normal, buying a house is a very emotional and complicated process, and this guy really wants his commission. Then one day I get this rather odd phone call of him stating that he thinks his wife is on to him and that we needed to cool down and something about he wanted an affair but his wife would find out. Wait, what did I miss here. I quickly called Tim and told him I hated the city and I wanted to go home and a couple of months later me moved back to Pima. Without the help of this guy.

Home wrecker We moved backed to Gilbert and there was a nice couple and the guy was extremely friendly. We talked a few time really about nothing you know small talk but then he kept standing to close to me accidentally finding ways to bump me or touch me, and then I caught him taking pictures of me with his cell phone--this freak me out I gave him a nasty look then ran over to Tim and told him the whole thing hoping he would beat him up I guess. The guy came over and said he was sorry and made up some story of why he was taking pictures of me. I almost believed him. Then roomers got out about him and his wife getting a divorce and she said something I guess has kind of stuck with me. She told me that I wasn't the only reason they were getting a divorce. Of course I developed the new nick name home wrecker and we all had several laughs about it, and we moved yet again.

I guess that last experience really got to me and I've become a complete shut in. Luckily I work from home and with mostly women. I try to make myself unattractive, no makeup, hair in the pony tale, sweat pant, I've gain 10 pounds. I thought I was safe, but no even as a shut-in, frumpy house wife, I still managed to once again go on my heart braking ways when my daughter sabotaged me and open the door while I was working out in a bikini. I don't even wear bikini's in front of Tim. I tried to make a break for my room but the damage was done and I now have a creepy stalker.

I'm hoping Tim will let us move one more time, but with countless experiences like these there has to be something wrong with me. Even locking myself inside didn't help. Now I fear for my poor daughters who have little boys falling all over them.

Ladies lock up your boys.

She was Jessies Girl--best friends love maddness.

There's is this cheesy song from the 80's where this guy falls in love with his best friends girlfriend some of the lyrics are "Why can't I find a woman like that. . . . She was Jessie girl" Anyways I thought it was kinda funny because Tim's best friend was named Jessie and all of his girlfriends always fell in love with Tim. OK that isn't funny at all.

Again with the crazy world we live in where when you love someone, but they don't love you back, or you think you're in love only to find you don't know what love is, or you fall head over heals for someone who is taken. Am I the only one who thinks there's a problem here?

So one of the biggest heart breaker is woman are like m&ms, you can never just have one, and I guess vice verse as well. I wouldn't mind a few more men--one to go to work all day, one to cook and clean, one to tend the kids while I had some free time with Tim. How is this a bad idea--only teasing I know it's illegal, but if it wasn't. . . I guess my sister-n-law has found a way to work the system she's been divorce several times so she get child support and someone to take the kids away for the weekend that's kind of the same thing.

Anyways Jill (not her real name), who I mentioned earlier, was my best friend, moved away and morphs into a monster and here are a few of our not so happy times together and my frustrations with the opposite sex.

Jill calls, begging my to drive three hours to see her, she's needs me, and being the sweet awesome friend that I am, of course I make the journey to the rescue. She tells me that she's fighting with her boyfriend, but they made up and now I get a front row seat of them getting back together-- wonderful. Again guys you should kiss with your eyes closed and focus on one woman at a time. So for the week I'm a third wheel and Darrin, Jill's boyfriend makes the mistake of being to friendly and trying to hard to impress the best friend.

Guys while it is very important to empress the best friend be careful not to go overboard. I hope you are taking notes.

Anyways Darrin makes the mistake of slipping out that I had a cute, adorable butt in front of Jill. Now having been a dancer my whole life I did kinda have a cute butt, and it was written in all the history books at school, so it must have been true. (Joe I know it was you who wrote that in all the books, and you will pay some day.) After realize what he said he tried to make it better, but he crashed and burned big time.

Jill told him to go home and we had a heart to heart talk, where she basically blame me for all her problems and said it was horrible being my friend because she always felt invisible next to me and even when she moved hundreds of miles away to be her own person her boyfriend liked me better. Jill was gorgeous, and I in no way came close to her beauty, I knew right away that I better have a rocking personality because I wasn't going to get by on just my looks. Even Tim thought she was gorgeous, so I knew how horrible it must have felt to have your boyfriend be attracted to your friend.

AWE. . . go run and get the tissues.

I guess something snapped in her and here we were calling up Garrett and going out with another guy who had a girlfriend. Hmmm I never pictured Jill as a two timing back stabber.
Oh it gets better. Apparently she's become a stripper as well and Jill drags me a long to watch her take her clothes off from several guys all who have girlfriends, so I go find a room to try to get a way from this real life porno and here is this Garrett guy in nothing but his underwear, throws me on the bed locks the bedroom door, and has a pocket knife to me trying to rape me while I'm scream for help. Finally his roommate bust opens the door and when I ask Jill why she didn't do anything she says "I thought you two wanted to be a lone".

Grrrr. Oh being raped is what I came down here for I didn't know that. Can you tell we aren't friends anymore?

I demand Jill take me back to her house and Garrett comes along but we made a few stops along the way. First we stop at his girlfriends house who is completely beaten up, black eyes, cut up face, broken arm. Garrett had wrecked his car with her in it and he came out fine. Here he was kissing her while just moments again he was making out with Jill and trying to rape me.

It's getting late but there is another stop in a deserted field were Garrett continues trying to make out with me. When I tell him I have a boyfriend he and Jill chime in together saying "so. . . we do too"


Question? Is it really that hard to be committed to only one person?

Hours go on of me stranded trying to escape these two hormonal monsters when Jill--mind you my best friend since Kindergarten asks me to make out with her.

I get out of the car and try to find a way home. They finally agree to take me home as as Garrett open the door for me--smooth, so romantic, not. He grabs me a kisses me.

I honestly am in complete shock and how Jill has changed. I still tried to be her friend even through college, she was even my maid of honor, but things only got worse from here.

Thankfully I had a cousin who lived close and I called her to come pick me up. Ironically she's dating one of Darrin's friends and guess who comes a long with us to the movies?

Let's just say Darrin knew something was wrong when I wouldn't tell him where Jill and I were the night before.

Cheaters always get caught one way or another. And even if you don't you can be such a better person than that.

My First Love

My first love: I was in love with my brother's best friend--an unspoken no no. We hung out together he made me laugh, made me sick to my stomach, heart pound, hands sweat, you know the usually things that happen when you are in love.

My first fight with my best friend Cami was over him because I was spending more time with him than her, not to mention my brother wasn't very happy I was stealling all his friends away, those where his exact words.

For years we played these stupid mind games with each other, yet nothing ever happen, well there were a few funny moments of things supposedly happening, like when we both stayed up all night playing video games and falling asleep together on the airbed, or when my mom flipped out when she went into my room and saw these ginormous feet hanging off of my bed and demanded to know who was in my bed to that I replied the Easter bunny--I didn't know what she was talking about because I had stayed at a friends house and my bother told this guy he could sleep in my bed and I had just got home five minutes prior--my poor mom, and then when I accidentally stripped him when we were playing tackle football in my back yard, my bad, oh and my favorite our almost first kiss, honestly it would have been one heck of a kiss it was so romantic--It didn't happen I'll just leave it at that and spare you the details.

Years and years of this I like you, you like me, lets just be friends, I hate you, but I'm just saying that so no one will know that I secretly love you, even though it's obvious to everyone--lost yet I'm telling you I'm still trying to figure it out.

So getting totally frustrated by having this guy tell everyone how amazing I was one day and making out with his girlfriend right in front of me while watching me to make sure I'm watching, the next. STOP


Question # 1 Guys why do you make out with your ladies in front of me while looking at me. Stop it's nasty. This happens to me a lot. You should kiss with your eyes shut and somethings are better left in the bedroom. Plus If you are trying to make us jealous ignore us and be completely devoted and focus on your woman. I know this might be near impossible for some, but we would like a guy who's so in love with us and not even Britni Spears walking around in a thong making out with Madonna could distract them from our beauty, and their passion for us. Enough said, just stop it!



So I was getting sick of this player and sadly I stopped being his friend and I wouldn't even speak to him, but you can't choose who you love and I guess even though he was a complete jerk I still like him--yuck



Question #2 Why do women like the bad boys and no matter how horrible and sleazy men could be even to the point of being abusive some women still come crawling back. Just something to think about.



So What I did next I'm not exactly proud of but I did find my one true love in the end, so I am glad I had a weak moment and I was really immature. Heck all is fair in love in war. I met Tim who was dating this girl who thought she was my best friend--long story, the night before on a double date and he happened to be at the fair without his girlfriend that night, and even though I didn't know him I had asked him for a tiny little favor. Your going to laugh at how retarded I was, but I told him that there was this guy who always mack tens his girlfriend in front of me and he makes my blood boil and I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine so I asked Tim if he could help me make him jealous. The sweetie agree although what I had in mind was a lot different than what really happened but he had a girlfriend--see guys being devoted to your girlfriend pays off, so he didn't do much except stand in proximity of me and win me a few stuffed animals, none the less it worked like magic. Here this jerk was at my window at 2 am asking me "what does this guy have that I don't." And telling me it was always me who he wanted to be with, and we belong together bla bla bla.

Question #3 Why do guys always want what they can't have.

Unfortunately poor Tim fell madly in love with me, can you blame him--only teasing. He got my number from his girlfriend, dumped the witch, and the rest is history.

A little side note on that one--girls are not the only nimrods that keep going back to a horrible relationship--Tim kept taking this witch back over and over and over again even though she was cheating on him with over 7 different guys, just in case you were thinking she was a victim in this love battle. The reason he was at the fair a lone is because she stood him up that night to be with the guy she set me up on a blind date the night before. Sleazy--not that using another girls boyfriend to make you first crush jealous is any better. High School that's all I got to say.

Now years later here I was with this gorgeous, successful, passionate, perfect man and I run into my first love working at an icee shop. He sees me and locks himself in the closet. I had to wait fifteen minutes until another worker comes to help me. He tried to open the closet door but it was lock and he thought that was kinda weird and asked me if I saw anyone go in there. Ah poor thing. I hope he OK and I really to wish him the best.

In my perfect world everyone would be as lucky in love as me--only fall in love with their one true love, and live happily ever after--no heart aches.

You can't die of embarrassment can you?