Pampered My Little Butt Off.

Over the weekend I went to the Woman's Expo and had the most amazing time being pampered from head to toe. I almost didn't go because I would have to drive down town Phoenix--Either I have the most amazing husband who chauffeurs me everywhere like a princess or he drives me everywhere because he's genuinely concerned for my well being and lacks confidence in my driving skills either way I had never driven down town Phoenix and the thought of bone crushing, metal twisting, fire engulfing car cashes paralysis and stresses the heck out of me.

I blame my psycho driver ed teacher who made us watch gruesome videos of car crashes with brains spilled out all over the highway and then said to a class of about ten of us that statistically two of us will die in a car accident before our 10 year Reunion, so I don't like driving.

I'm not much of a city girl but I was so freaking proud of myself for driving all by lonesome and I think I could get used to this. I definitely did better than me brother who nearly killed Tim and I on our way to a Linking Park concert when he ran a red light, driving the wrong way down a one street--best part was it was right in front a police station and he got away with a warning.

So when I enter I was asked if I was 21 and I guess I wasn't that convincing because I was carded--umm I'm pushing 30 but ok.

I had a facial, manicure, massage, a makeover, won a few raffles, and met Valerie Bertinelli.

The only part that I didn't like was the life size nude pictures of before and after pictures of breast implant and tummy tuck patients. I was so tempted to grab a black sharpie and color in some con censored boxes while no one was looking--I don't even look at my own body that naked.

What a great time.

I LOVE MY JOB

Yes, I am well aware of my stacks of degrees I have collected and that my current job pays more that half as much as I was making at the Mayo Clinic, and I don’t get free education like I did working for the University, and I’m no longer a size zero with bulging biceps like when I was a personal trainer, and even if I had forgotten all these wonderful facts, I have all you lovely people reminding me so thanks, and I know you all think I’m crazy some of you love me enough to say it to my face, but despite all your concerns about me and my career decision, I LOVE MY JOB.

I can work in sweatpants, I don’t have to do my hair or wear makeup, I don’t have to worry about jerks hitting on me, well other than crazy guys hitting on over the phone but that doesn’t bother me, because I don’t have to see their pompous faces, or have them invade my bubble. I don’t have to drive hours on crowded freeways. I don’t have to put in long hard exhausting hours. We have weekly contests and bonuses, which being extremely competitive I love, I have a 401 k, and a pension plan, I have so much time off and my schedule is very flexible, I get crazy deals on everything, and get a lot of free stuff with the points I earn from being top performer, I get monthly bonuses, and I am over appreciated, the list goes on and on, and the best part is I work with some of the most amazing people for one of the best companies in the world. So long scrubs, and sweaty gyms, hello home office and being able to be a stay at home mom, which being a mom is hands down the best career of them all.

11 marvelous years of pure bliss

us at the fair where we first met. * not the greatest picture but not bad for our little 6 yr old photographer.

Saturday Oct 10 was the 11 year anniversary from the day my husband and I first met and the crazy goofball fell madly in love with me, j/k. I’m not going to put you to sleep with the mushy gushy stuff, but I just would like to say how truly blessed and lucky I am to have such an amazing husband and best friend. I’m honestly living in a fairy tale love story. I can’t believe it’s been 11 years. We met at the graham county fair and we have made it our yearly tradition to go to the fair every year and sort of reminisce in our early years, and honestly the older I get the harder it is to go on these crazy rides. Being an adrenaline junkie it makes me very sad that I now get sick on rides, I guess I’m officially an old fart, dang it.

I feel my husband and I are one of the few survivors of that happily ever after breed, and would love to go around converting the non believers. I wish everyone could be euphorically happy in love. It flatters me when people comment on what an amazing relationship I have with my husband, or say I inspire them, or write a report on us—love ya Ash, or they tell me they want what I have and ask me for advice—honestly everyone could have what we have. We aren’t superhero’s or from another planet or any of that—we are just a normal couple, well a ridiculously good-looking couple I might add ***(Humor is a must if you want to be blissfully happy) and if you want an amazing marriage you can have it.

On a side note: I don’t mind all the very personal questions or hearing every intimate detail about various relationships problems even if you are a complete stranger, and I’m happy to help in anyway I think it might just be easier to just address some of these questions in a blog, I know if you have ever tried to get a hold of me you know what a nightmare it is I’m truly sorry and I think we both know I would be lying if I told you my hectic lifestyle will calm down some day, so hopefully I will make it up to all of you who are still waiting for me to get back to you—I really love you, I promise—I just can’t be reached by phone and email is of the devil I hate email!!!! But I do blog and I’ve become addicted to facebook, so I’m getting better.

Ok now that we know that I hate email and that I have a really ridiculously good-looking husband lets move on.

I had just an amazing time over the weekend and over the past 11 years.—AND we lived happily ever after the end.

See I told you I wouldn’t bore you with the mushy stuff but if you are dying to know you can go to. . . .coming soon.

I survived

I survived a month of beauty ugh. OK I really didn’t do much it’s a lot more work than I thought it would be, but I will have to give myself two thumbs up for being such a good sport. The results? Drum roll please….I got several compliments, my favorite was “Sharla you are gloriously glowing”, and my husband said he liked my toenails umm OK honey I will have to work harder for you, and then there was one awkward moment when my father n law was yelling at me to hang up the phone and when I started to speak he realized it was me and not his 15 year old daughter, so woo hooo I got mistaken for a teenager who happens to be gorgeous—love ya Danni. I of course didn’t mind him giving me orders and teased him about bossing me around, but it really embarrassed the heck out of the poor guy, and my niece thought it was pretty hilarious. As far as my little black dress we will see this weekend when I take my husband out for our 11 year anniversary . . . OK it’s not our real anniversary but we still celebrate the day we first met.

OK I seriously doubt I would ever wear anything like that out in public, so I will have to find a way to squeeze in a candle lit dinner with work and three kids and mountains of house work. Heck anything is possible now. Oh and hopefully I will find time to cut my hair before this weekend.

As far as me becoming a gorgeous woman, we’ll see. I honestly didn’t mind the candle lit bubble bathes, massages, and pedicures and manicures, but as far as all the other crazy things you lovely ladies do to always look perky and flawless I will have to pass—for now, but I haven’t given up on that dream of stopping traffic and rendering my husband speechless—It’s just have to wait.

Here is my bathtub of beauty. I may not look like a woman but I sure do know how to shop like one. Geese with all this crap you would think I would be silky smooth and flawless, but problem is I try it once and put it under my sink and there it will stay until it meets it's fateful death in the trash never used again.

Doritos Diving

What I’ve learned after many, many years studying psychology, sociology, and all the other ologies about human behavior and such, trying to decipher, and decode human logic is to stop trying to understand human logic—we have none.

Now I’ll admit I completely adore quirky and bizarre people, that’s why I used to work in a psych ward at the hospital, but after being attacked by a naked crazy guy while I was 6 months pregnant I decided it was a little to dangerous and transferred the next day, but that’s another story. Oh on a side note why do crazy people always take off all their clothes? I’m not complaining just asking. Hmm I wonder if I have my own super nude suit.

Ok so let me set the scene—here I am walking through the Bashas in my home town picking up food for our camping trip and here I see this guy I went to high school with and like the great Houdini, “Now you see him, Now you don’t,” and this crazy goofball practically dove into the bags of chips to try to hide from me. Hello genius if I didn’t see you before, I definitely see you now. It still makes me laugh, and I still have no idea what could have possessed this guy to do such an amazing stunt—He must have had a severe craving for Doritos. I’m still stumped on this one, and the only explanation I can come up with is he did that just for my sheer enjoyment.

Gotta love cheap entertainment. Thanks, **** you are now my favorite dip.

A Trip to Pima—The Closest Thing To Being A Celebrity

We packed our bags, Kidos and Pooch and headed out to Pima over Labor Day Weekend. I had to work Thursday, but I was able to work and early shift so I was off at 6 p.m., but Tim forgot to dry his clothes so we had to wait until about 7pm and I of course had to hit up Sonic before we left and we got caught in this crazy dust storm in Maricopa, kinda like in the movie “The Scorpion King”—isn’t the Rock smoking hot? AWE……

ok moving on, we finally inch our way out of Maricopa only to get pummeled by a rainstorm so our lovely 3 ½ hour trip took just under 6 hours so we pulled in after midnight and just crashed. Luckily for Tim he had to wake up at 5 a.m. to go to work with his dad, so I decided to go help my dad pack and move some things, so our labor day was full of just that.

I work for a few hours until I started to become offensive, so I took a very long, long, long, shower and went shopping. I got really carried away but my dad decided to pay me for helping him so I ended up blowing $100 or so but technically it wasn’t my money.

OK I know I have a serious problem if only there was like a program for shopaholics in denial, oh wait I think they made a movie about me. So I of course had a fantastic time, and when I got home Tim was an adorable grease monkey, and then he turned to me and said the most beautiful words that could ever leave this gorgeous mans lips, “I need to go shopping.” I of course did my little happy dance and we went to Walmart were I bumped into Denise and her brothers, and she told me she was moving to the Virgin Islands—Denise I’m totally jealous, but I still love you. The rest of the night gets fuzzy, so it must have been so fantastic I don’t even remember.

Saturday we ate at La Casitas, it’s our tradition, and then my family had this huge party to celebrate me coming to visit and invited all my aunts and uncles and cousin and their kids, and there was food, and games and chocolate.

I love going to Pima not only does it have breath taking views, fresh air, free babysitters, loads and loads of wonderful memories, but it’s also the closest I get to feeling like a celebrity. People have parties for you, give you gifts, go wild and crazy with hugs and affection just because you walk into the room---I once even got a butt grab yeah I know. Lavern and Shirley, in Pima every body really does know your name.

Ok maybe I just have an overactive imagination, and I’m sure my family wanted to coordinate a get together for other reasons then just me coming to visit, although what other reasons do you need. So the party was awesome I even got to have the last piece of chocolate cake.

Sunday we did the church thing and I got to visit with some really amazing old friends and see new babies and even got hit on by the adorable neighbor boy, makes me laugh I’m probably old enough to be his mother.

Moday came and went, we went to the movies and packed our car and we almost didn’t have room for the kids, because of my shopping spree and all the gifts we were showered with—I could have survived leaving the dog. It felt like Christmas.

We stopped in Gilbert to visit with my prego sister-n-law, she bribed me over the phone with brownies—girl knows my weakness, and when we got there she had boxes of clothes for the girls and we honestly didn’t have any room so Kiora said she would hold them on her lap.

We stopped at “In and Out Burger” and when we got home we unloaded the car and I crashed onto the coach and Tim put the girls to bed, and surprised me with a candle lit bubble bath. AH I was exhausted. I think I need a vacation from my vacation.

Thanks to Everyone for all our many many gifts and for keeping our bellies full of delicious food. And here’s a shout out to my little old town of Pima—I love you man





photo credit by By drexqueen08

Divorce Disaster

OK so I have this rare gift that allows me to have complete strangers open up to me and tell me their entire life stories sparing no intimate details, it's very very strange but at the same time it's kinda nice to know that I come off as a trustworthy, sympathetic listener who really cares about your drama. I'm only teasing I really do care about people to much some times and I get yelled at at work all the time because of this, It's not my fault.

So here is a replay of one of those moments but I didn't realize what was happening until today.



Hubbies friend whom I don't know: "Hey how is your husband, I didn't see him is he here?"



Totally Oblivious Me: "yeah he's over there with the ladies--aka my three girls plus our adopted neighbor girl



Hubbies Friend: I'm here with my kids. . .it's really hard to watch them all without my wife.



Me: small talk about the kids.......... and then I made the stupid comment about how moms have to handles kids all day alone bla bla and then I asked if he wanted a medal (OK I'm not sure of my exact words but it was something like that, maybe it wasn't that harsh but it feels like it was)



Hubbies Friend: Must have gotten something in his eye......Awkward so I smile and leave.



So the details are a little fuzzy but I just found out the poor guys getting a divorce and that was one of those moments where he was trying to pour out his heart and soul to me, hoping for sympathy, but I totally missed it. I thought his wife was just gone for the day and I didn't think that he was that impressive because Tim takes care of the kids all the time, he could have been a little more specific and I guess he really didn't get something in his eye, pour guy was probably holding back the tears because I'm such a jerk. I feel really bad, I just don't ever think people get divorce--Tim says I live in my own little fantasy world.

Now that I found out he's getting divorced everything makes total sense, because I saw him about two months prior and he was so sad and literally was sucking the life out of everything like a black hole--another thing that comes with the gift I guess, is that I can sense other peoples emotions, I cry when they cry, I hurt when they do, etc. When I asked Tim if his friend was OK he said he was fine and then I said he seems like he's having marital problems.

Of course when I told Tim the news the other day he lovingly seized the opportunity to tease me and said that I called it and said that I have another gift of breaking marriages apart--not nice and below the belt punk.

He said it kinda makes sense because every time he sees the guy his arms get a little bigger each time like he's trying to look good for the ladies--ha ha the difference between men and women perception-- I worried about how he feels and all Tim notices is that he's working out.

I guess I've learned my lesson, but A few weeks ago we went to my Grandma's house to check on her and Kiora went off on her billion questions asking her if she was ever married and where her husband was and asked her if she's lonely..... I was mortified and it became bedtime very quickly. I explained to her on the drive home that she had gotten a divorce and it kinda makes her sad when people ask her about it and say she must be lonely. UGGH and from that day she has been freaking out about divorce. It terrifies her and she keeps asking us if we'll ever get divorced and she can't stop worrying--poor child.

What happened to the good old days when kids only had to worry about getting caught playing all night or not brushing their teeth.

My heart goes out to all those heartbroken divorcees and the poor little children who's world is forever turned upside down.